OK, so I typed this after our loss in May of 2004, and with all the debates I just felt the need to share this...
I know, it's probably silly, but, here you go!(And I don't want pro choicers 'cause I don't need their comments!!!
)My hugs go out to all of you who have experienced a loss...
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I wish you were right.All you pro-choice people, I want nothing more than for you to be right.
But you’re not.
If you were right, I wouldn’t have gotten so excited at that positive pregnancy test. I mean, who gets excited that a bunch of cells are multiplying. That’s what they do, right?
If you were right, I wouldn’t have told my mom, and my husband’s parents, and his young sister. We wouldn’t have celebrated. Come on, who celebrates a parasite
invading one’s body?
If you were right, my daughter wouldn’t love to come and kiss my belly. She wouldn’t wave hi to it or bring me books to read to it.
I wish you were right.
If you were right, I wouldn’t have felt the sheer terror of seeing the blood. I wouldn’t have been hyper-aware of every twinge. I wouldn’t have had to be on the phone with doctor. I wouldn’t have had to lay for three days.
If you were right, I wouldn’t have had to pray and pray and pray.
If you were right, I wouldn’t have had to cry and cry and cry.
If you were right, my husband could have continued to go to work. He wouldn’t have to hold his wife as she sobbed and yelled and begged him to make it all stop.
If you were right, there wouldn’t have been such joy on Tuesday when we saw a heartbeat. If you were right, there wouldn’t have been such hell when we saw that baby in my hand.
If you were right, I could have left “it” in the toilet, and just flushed.
I wish you were right.
If you were right, there would be so many tears saved by my mom, and my husband’s parents, and his young sister.
If you were right, my heart wouldn’t rip in two when I have to explain to my daughter that our baby went to heaven. But she’s too young to understand. If you were right, I wouldn’t want to die when my daughter still comes and kisses my belly. Or when she continues to wave hi to it or brings me books to read to it.
If you were right, I wouldn’t feel like my baby is dead.
I wish you were right.
But you’re not.
1 comment:
*tears* oh sweet friend. Some days I wish they were right too, but they are not.
Those "multiplying cells" were our children and they died. It was more than a hope, it was a person. I still miss my little people. I hate that you miss yours too.
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