February 17, 2008

Existentialism in the home

What a sad picture it is looking at the home today. Children are off the wall and all parents do is chalk it up to "that's just the way he/she is".

What kind of lame excuse is that?

If you don't know what existentialism is you need to and when you do you'll realize you have been brainwashed with this line of thinking. I always feel comfortable writing and handing out advice on subjects that I have been guilty of and thankfully graduated from. I don't worry about stepping on any toes. And if I do step on your toes I realize it's not me with the problem it's you. When my toes get stepped on I ask myself if 1) I being too sensitive or 2) am I needing to learn a lesson here?

First, I owe a huge apology to my son for the injustice I gave him by complaining to other parents about his "just a boy" behaviors. Now I have the monumental task of undoing that grouping he has been placed in by sympathetic mothers who themselves were/are looking for others in a similar uncontrollable (or so they think) situation.

So if I am no longer a mom who just sits back and passively/forceably parents what happened and what am I doing now? First of all, I made myself very aware of what the Bible says about parenting, training, children, sin and love. Then, I found a companion to my Bible called To Train Up A Child by Michael Pearl. Finally, I no longer looked at what I hadn't done in the past or lamented on the damage I had done to my children but I started on that day doing it right! You have to start somewhere, why not now? It literally took hours for the change to be felt in our house upon implementing techniques that would bring order and respect to our family. It simply sickens me when I think of the children I know that are CRAZY! I would have easily called my Prince that weeks ago. But he wasn't crazy nor are the other children I am thinking of. They just simply crave the loving guidance and training from their parents that will help them to become respectable young people.

I'll tell you, I no longer get frustrated and overwhelmed by my children (if I begin to I know that it is because I have slacked off or have some personal issue going on that needs to be dealt with). I don't let them tell me what they want to do or don't want to do. As their parent it is my responsibility to train them to respect authority and to follow directions. Think about what happens if parents don't do this! They fail in school, they break laws, they never have a steady job, they end up divorced... These are all results than can and will occur when I child is just left to "well boys will be boys...that's just the way he/she is...she/he is just strongwilled or stubborn...she's just dramatic" We made a decision to take control of our family.

I clearly remember a sermon I listened to called KidCEO. The heart of the message was that kids are not to be the center of the family, the marriage is. A husband and wife HAVE TO parent TOGETHER! One who disciplines with one how consoles will end in FAILURE. Good guy, bad guy doesn't work. Parents often think they are helping their children by offering balance. I have seen first hand how that doesn't work. When Michael and I made the decision to work together everything fell into place. How bout that!

You notice I keep saying we made the decision. You wouldn't believe how many parents seriously think it is out of their hands. How is that Biblical? God gave us the blessing of being able to decide which path we will take. It is never too late but it does get harder the longer they are allowed to do whatever they want. Haven is 3 1/2 and he is a different child now. But I am smart enough to realize that actions speak louder than words. I pray that the Lord will give me plenty of opportunities to minister to others through the behavior of myself and my children. I know I have a loooong way to go and my children are faaaar from perfect. However, I will not make excuses for them and I will not cheat them by allowing them to think for one second that the world is at their beck n call.

Okay now I am stepping off my soapbox.

No comments: